I was not moved by the Bullpen Gospels

The Bullpen Gospels: Major League Dreams of a Minor League Veteran (2010) was written by Dirk Hayhurst who pitched a number of years for the San Diego Padres' Class-A and Double-A teams in the California League. Hayhurst made it briefly to AAA for a 'cup of coffee'. Basically, Hayhurst learned in his career that professional baseball is a field of endeavor where hard work is not paid off.

His book is not the great read that Keith Olbermann promised me it would be. One page, however, has stayed with me.

On an evening before an impending cut down to Single-A, Hayhurst confines himself to his hotel room. He has a conversation with his reflection in the bathroom mirror that goes this way:

....flushed and broken, I stared at my disheveled reflection in the mirror. I looked in at Dirk, the baseball player. He stared back at me in his pristine uniform, hat on, glove at his side.
"You lied to me," I accused.
"You lied to yourself," came the calm response.
"Don't give me that! I've done what it takes to get us here."
"You've inculcated yourself."
"Very funny, smart ass."
"You're uptight because you're afraid."
"Afraid?" I laughed. Afraid of what?"
"Afraid of the day you have to take this uniform off."
"I'm not afraid. That's ridiculous! I was ready to quit before I came here."
"No," he said gently, "you were ready for Dad to say you could quit, but he didn't.
"That's not true. I can do it anytime I want," I said like a defiant child. I knew the truth though, and my words weren't convincing.
"I don't blame you, really. You've been hiding behind that jersey for years now. It's what you know."
"Hiding! Who's hiding? I've always been out in the open."
"Out in the open that you play baseball, sure. But you're afraid that you won't be important without it."
"Fear has nothing to do with it. I've earned the right to be a respected athlete. I've paid my dues. There are only two kinds of people in this world: somebodies and nobodies. Baseball has made me somebody!"
"Really?" A skeptical look followed the question.
"Yes! I am one of the special few who gets to do this!"
"Do you feel special right now?"
"..."
"You don't know who you are, and you're terrified of losing this." He tugged at the uniform.
"It's my gift! Baseball is my gift, and I'm fighting to keep it."
"Baseball is also your curse, and the fight to keep it is killing you."
"Wrong--it's the only thing keeping me going. I have nothing else."
"You have more than you think."
"I don't believe you."
"That's your biggest problem."

This conversation is the inner dialogue of a professional baseball player approaching the age of thirty, confronting the fact he is not a prospect for the major leagues; it has nothing to do with an aging amateur yachtsman confronting the fact that his sailing days are drying up.